Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman, Big Friendship

It has been a long time since I have been so excited for a book to be released as I was for Big Friendship by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman. Knowing that we would be reading Big Friendship in July was what inspired us to make The Yes List’s August Edit - The Friendship Edit.  

Aminatou and Ann are best known for their podcast Call Your Girlfriend, a podcast for long-distance besties everywhere co-hosted by Aminatou and Ann, and executive produced by Gina Delvac. Every week, Aminatou and Ann call each other to discuss the intricacies of pop culture and the latest in politics.

Aminatou is a digital strategist, writer, influencer, and co-founder of Tech LadyMafia. She was named one of Forbes’ 30 Under 30 in tech. Ann is a journalist and contributor to New York magazine, The Los Angeles Times, and The Gentlewoman. She sends a really fun weekly email newsletter.

I have been listening to the podcast for quite a few years and the pop culture takes are always spot on, the political discussions are always insightful and with clear calls to action. But it’s the warmth and radical love they hold in their friendship which keeps me coming back. From Shine Theory to the Friendweb Aminatou and Ann have been discussing how important it is to centre friendship in our lives for a long time.

And that is where the Big Friendship book picks up. “Big Friendship” is a term coined by Aminatou and Ann and they define in the book’s opening pages:

“Big Friendship is a bond of great strength, force, and significance that transcends life phases, geography, and emotional shifts. It is large in dimension, affecting most aspects of each person’s life. It is full of meaning and resonance. A Big Friendship is reciprocal, with both parties feeling worthy of each other and willing to give of themselves in generous ways. A Big Friendship is active. Hearty. And almost always, a Big Friendship is mature. Its advanced age commands respect and predicts its ability to last far into the future. ”

We don’t talk about friendship enough. Some of the most wonderful, painful, fun and comforting times in our lives are found in our friendships. And yet, films, music, books still look to centre romantic relationships. The work that Aminatoua and Ann have done in writing Big Friendship is so important. They highlight the lack of research that has been done into friendships, and using their own friendship as a reference point they explore the vast complexities and joys of friendship, and we can hold each other close for the long haul.

J and I joined the online UK book launch for Big Friendship at Ada’s List. We had the opportunity to ask Aminatou and Ann questions and I asked about why they had chosen to write this book together:

P: I have no doubt that either of you could have had a successful podcast, business and book on your own. Why do you think you wanted to do it together? And do you think more people should try to create or work with their friends?

AF: “Ugh this question is making me emotional. I have been thinking about it a lot, as we bring this book into the world today. It is so rewarding and wonderful to make things with people who you love. I really cannot recommend highly enough the process of really seeing what your friend brings to the table when you have a shared specific goal. It is a really exciting way to learn new things that your friend is great at. And I will say that we talk a lot about the creative process of our collaboration, but I have been extremely changed by watching how Aminatou conducts her business behind the scenes, and the way she treats people at every level of the companies that we have to deal with and the way that she approaches things that are not ethically super easy. And I think that it is possible, very much so, to have fruitful collaborations with people who are not your friends. But I just can’t say enough good things about the feeling of walking side by side with someone through the journey of doing something like writing a book. It feels so much sweeter to have done it together. It is incredible to have someone else in this, releasing a book in a global pandemic and to have another person who knows exactly how I feel right now. How did I get so lucky?”

Ann’s response was so generous and it got me thinking about not only did they choose to write this book together rather than alone. But they chose to write it about friendship where they could have written about their lives, their hugely successful careers, their important political insight and many other topics. To have chosen to write about friendship seems to me like an incredibly generous act for their readers in itself. Bring the Big Friendship book into your life, it is what you and your friends deserve. 

Big Friendship Book - IG

Call Your Girlfriend - IG